The I and thou

I am always
Without I.

So where is the one
Who acts or enjoys?

And what is the rising
Or the vanishing of thought?

What is the invisible world,
Or the visible?

In my heart I am one.

What is this world?

Who seeks freedom,
Or wisdom or oneness?

Who bound or free?

-Ashtavakra Gita 20:5-6
From "The Heart of Awareness: A Translation of the Ashtavakra Gita," by Thomas Byrom, 1990

We are all made of stars (even if we smell badly)

Yesterday, on the train back from L.A. , I sat in front of a homeless person. He must have bucks though - because it's a $30 fare each way. Anyway, man did he smell. ooh eee. I thought about moving, but I was feeling lazy.
After an hour or so, I used the restroom. When I returned, I noticed the smelly filthy man was sitting in the seat next to mine. hmmm. At that point, I really considered moving, but, I thought, well, that's not very nice, Ms. Compassionate world peace love thy neighbor girl, is it?
So, I stayed put.
The stench was SO bad, it made my eyes sting.
Then I remembered the bad old days, when I was a total pothead, very much a slut even, and I had no apartment. I considered myself a "boho" (I did have a job though - not much of one...). If not for the grace of God, who led me to a friend who "took me in" and later, my aunt who took care of me (I got SO sick - I had pneumonia, mono and an inflamed liver) when I couldn't care for myself...well, who knows what could have happened. I was as close as I ever was to death. It was a scary time for me, I hit the bottom.
A few minutes after I made the decision to stay, this family came and sat diagonally to me. I spotted the cutest little boy in a blue baseball cap - he looked to be 5 or 6. He was clutching a Teddy Bear - clad in a little khaki safari outfit and sunglasses with a Teddy Bear sized backback on his furry little back.
The little boy sat him on the table in front of him, but faced the bear toward the window. He leaned his head against the window, and together, the boy and his Teddy enjoyed the view of the sea...
If I had moved my seat, I never would have been able to savor this beautiful, innocent moment.
All of us "contain multitudes" and contradictions, as Walt Whitman said in "Song of Myself." Bum, innocent,slut, saint. That's me.
(By the way, one of the conductors came by about 20 minutes later, spotted the smelly man, and asked him to move a few rows back...).

My first blog entry!

Well, thanks to Rachel Fuller, I've decided to blog! Cool. Thanks for the inspiration Rachel!

I've named by blog Suesjoy for a couple of reasons, but mainly because my name is Sue (Susan) and my husband's name is Sujoy. I had a friend in Boston (where are you Evan?) who used to call my husband, "Sue's Joy!" Get it? Our friends in Texas called us "the Sues" no one has referred to us that way since. Aw...kinda sad. Those were good times...too good! Anyway, I am digressing here. But I can do that. It's MY blog, damnit!

I'll be lazy though, and copy something I wrote on the Rufus Wainwright board.
To know me, is to know (or at least know of) RUFUS!!!
I went to the CBS Studio in LA to see a taping of the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson...because...u no who was the musical guest.

I am REALLY tired, but I will share my experience, since it was so awesome.I took the train from San Diego to LA. yesterday. I got to LA at one, walked around Olvera Street, found a cool Frida Khalo bookmark and inspirational "Jesus card" one of those plastic cards you stick in your wallet when you need some spiritual guidance, and had 2 AWESOME chicken tacos. Yum yum. Then I took a cab and got to the CBS studio VERY early -at 2 pm. The ticket guy said to come back around 4...so I walked around a bit, had some coffee...then when I came back around 3:20 there was already a line of about 25 or so...when I was waiting I saw someone who looked like Dave Foley pull in through the gate in a BMW convertible...he was checking out the line...I was hoping he was a guest on the show - and sure enough he did make a (very funny) appearance.Saw Carina, then Nancy (she's Galadriel on the RWMB - I think) and Anne (Cinnamaroll). I was happy to see familiar faces, since I was all by my lonesome...so we chatted and discussed our dorkiness (as we always do). I was especially embarrassed when I had to unwrap an empty Starbucks cup for security! "NO, it's not a bomb, but Rufus' quote is da bomb!" The lady didn't think it was strange (well it was L.A... ). So, before we go in, we are prepped on how to behave by a few staff members, including a funny guy - he's a comedian - he was the warm-up dude and he was really great. I was beyond excited by that point.Finally, we get the cattle call and we all walk upstairs to the studio in single file. They were showing musical guests on the tv screens for our entertainment, then the comedian did his thing for a bit - we learn that there is a "babe section" - yes they single out the "best looking" women and corral them into the front bench on the left side of the audience. No, I wasn't chosen. I'm still wounded, but I'll get over it eventually... More fun - the warm-up guy (Roger?) gets to know the audience - he had prizes for the most exhuberent audience members. (Nancy got a Want 2 cd!). When he asked who wasn't from Hollywood I raised my hand and did a swan dive for a t-shirt which he threw in my direction - then I had to wrestle it out of the hands of this older lady sitting next to me (well I was closer!). He felt bad for her and gave her one a minute later! I almost got in trouble (what else is new?) because at one point the audience director came over to me and told me to "refrain from talking" - that he picked it up on the mics overhead - I didn't remember talking - the lady next to me made a comment about something Roger said - and I said, "what?" because I'm pretty deaf. ANYHOO...Before Craig came out they told us that they tape the musical guest first - so he introduced Rufus and when he walked out the crowd went BALLISTIC!!!!!!! These cute boys - they were from Australia and Florida were chanting "Roooooooofus Rooooooooooooofus Roooooooooofus!" Rufus looked at them with a (mocked) horrific look - I bet he loved it - and Roger was like, "Ok - that's MUCH more that we ever could ask for!" and Rufus nodded his head in agreement.I was ELATED when he started This Love Affair - I agree w/ his mom(folk singer/songwriter Kate McGarrigle) - it's my fave. He was perfect and SO professional - just took a deep breath before they started taping to focus and bam - it was a flawless performance, really truly.When it was over, he just waved goodbye...and that was it! I was so sad when they packed up his piano...no! Come back!Roger said they kept us outside too long - I think he would have performed one more, just for the audience. Craig came out and he was really funny, and much better looking in person. He said he was born in '62 when he did his James Bond bit...so he's the same age as me. (But I look WAY younger ). Dave Foley was a riot - that was a great surprise - loved the P. Diddy thing ("Itty Bitty Booklight Diddy") - too funny.At one point in the show they taped Craig introducing Rufus (so we could cheer - Rufus was already long gone) - so we stood up and went insane again. Then we sat down and Craig said "he's not coming back!" Wah! It's kind of weird how they do things on t.v.I looked around for Carina - but she got to the line late, so she didn't get in. Sorry Carina. We missed you!As we were walking out, one of the board members, who shall remain nameless, spotted a script in the trash bin and, being the sly one that she is, pulled it out and stuck it in her purse (for Rufus to sign one day!).After the show, we met up with Chancellor (my friend Laura) and had a 2 1/2 hour dinner. The 4 of us just laughed and laughed and shared all our Rufus moments/gossip. We were so giddy it was too much. We decided we need to start a "Ruf-Anon" for the spouses, partners and loved ones who are close to those who are addicted to Rufus. We talked so long I missed my train home, which was fine with me.( We didn't just talk about Rufus, btw, we actually do have lives! ). I stayed over at Chancellor's and we had hot chocolate and watched the show! I even spotted myself standing/clapping for Carl Reiner - I'm on the left side in a sea green top. I look like I have a blue afro! Kinda scary. I suppose one day, when I'm old, I will have a blue beehive, Rhinestone cat eye glasses and support hose to help me chase Rufus as he exits from the stage door..."Come back, Rufus!" I'll scream, " come back!"